How I became a songwriter

Dear Molly,

One of our conversations on Friday made me start thinking about my journey of writing songs, and I thought, "I should write this down so I'll remember it."  So, since you're probably the only other person who's also interested in hearing it, you are the recipient.

I remember distinctly when I first became a songwriter, although I can't remember exactly when it was.  However, based on other events that happened before and after this one, I believe I was either seven or eight.  In other words, my statement the other day that it started before I knew you was most likely false.  I'm sorry.  Anyway, I believe I had just gotten out of the shower.*  Rushing to my room, I grabbed a pencil and started writing furiously as the lyrics appeared in my head.  When I had finished that night, I counted up my songs and discovered that I had written six.  I tucked my notebook into my the case of my NIV Adventure Bible so that I wouldn't miss it if inspiration happened to strike during church the next morning.  Sunday night, I persuaded my best friend to "write a song with me," which consisted of me writing a few lines and then asking her what she thought.  I sent it home with her that evening.

Sadly, as far as I know, none of these precious manuscripts were preserved.  However, I can remember the chorus to my favorite one.  It went something like this:
"You are awesome, Jesus
Awesome, Jesus,
Awesome, Jesus,
Awesome."

Get the point?  :)

The songwriting craze faded out as quickly as the fervor that had driven me to write those first songs had arrived.  In fact, in fourth grade, my friend found the song that I'd written with her input, taught it to her younger cousin, and sang it for me.

"I like it." she told me.

I shrugged.  Since I was no longer consumed with enthusiasm over the fact that I could write songs, I was able to listen objectively.  And, in case you were wondering, I wasn't impressed.

"It's okay, I guess." was all I could say.

Several years passed.  In that time, I never thought I'd go back to writing songs.  I was, however, steadily becoming more and more enamored with writing in other genres.  If you were to shadow me in any of my social interactions, you'd find me critiquing grammar or rephrasing sentences in order to make sure I understood what the other person what saying.  My head was full of characters, plot-lines, and words, and I liked it that way.  If you'd asked me, I would have freely admitted to you that I loved writing.  But writing songs was out of the question:  I didn't consider myself to be a good enough musician.

My second attempt to write songs came when I thought I was going to be in a band with some of my friends.  One of them said, "I can put chords together, but lyrics are really hard.  Do you think you could come up with something?"

"Great!"  I thought.  "If I'm the lyricist, then our songs will always have correct spelling and grammar."

I also had some other thoughts that were not quite so positive.  Thoughts like, "How do you write songs, anyway?" Or, worse yet, "What if I can't write anything worth singing?"  Honestly, these thoughts outnumbered the positive ones by such a large margin that I usually forgot how much I loved correct spelling and grammar.

Although I was terrified, I started writing lyrics again.  Most of them were awkward and faltering attempts, but I was at least trying again.  In the process, I figured something out: songs were good stress relievers.  I already knew that listening to music could change my attitude, but when I was angry or sad or lonely, I found myself searching for my songwriting notebook.  Putting the feelings into words lessened their intensity, and allowed me to look them in the face. I'd think, "In a few months, this song will make me laugh because I'll think it's ridiculous." and I'd start to feel better.

For a while, that was all songwriting was for me- an escape, a coping mechanism, and something so personal that I would have shuddered at the thought of ever showing my songs to anyone.

The story gets fuzzy here, because I'm not sure exactly what prompted me to start sharing what I'd written.   Anyway, at some point I realized that I wasn't going to get any better unless I let someone else see what I'd written.  I do know that I chose to share one with you because:
1)  You write good songs
2)  You are kind, so I figured your opinions wouldn't come across as harsh.
3)  You had been hinting that Allison and I should start writing songs.

Of course, I still wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea of sharing songs that I'd written while I was in a bad mood.  Instead, I decided to write a worship song, and in the process of creating something that wasn't inextricably linked to unhappy memories, I discovered that songwriting was fun.  It still is.

That's the story, and one that will probably keep evolving as I keep writing.  Hope you've enjoyed!

Love,
Julianne


*Why is it that good ideas always come to me in the shower?  It's awkward.

The Beauty in My Lap

Something exciting happened in my life last week.

As those of you who are acquainted with me (which, I believe, is all of you) will know, this is not an uncommon occurrence.  I tend to get excited about lots of things:  guacamole, snow, and standardized tests, just to name a few.  Indeed, the "something" that I'm going to tell you about is one of many things that made me giddy with anticipation recently. So, even though I attended an amazing surprise party, a Bible quiz, and got to hold my friend's baby for the first time (by the way, I think that's the first time I've ever said that.) in the past seven days, I'm not going to elaborate on any of those events.

No, the subject of this post (and possibly the sole reason I haven't been posting) is this beautiful instrument:

Terrible quality, I know.   Also, it's a selfie.   I'm sorry about that, but I thought it was better than nothing.

It's on loan from friends for as long as I need it, and Allison and I have been enjoying playing with it.  Note the added preposition.  It was purposefully placed in that very spot, because I do not mean that we have been playing it.  It has, however, proven to be a very fun toy.  :)
As you might have guessed from the previous paragraph, I have much to learn.  However, Molly has been very graciously trying to help me figure things out.

Molly's Music Academy, lesson #1:  This is the wrong way to hold a guitar.  Thanks, Molly!  :)

So, that's what's new with me.  :)  What were you excited about in the last week?

Love Before First Sight

Now that I'm back, I thought I'd share a blog post I started writing in mid-January.  Somewhere along the line, I had the idea that it would be good for the week around Valentine's Day.  It was a nice thought, but it didn't work on account of my procrastination and the fact that I was on vacation.  So, after revisiting and finally finishing it, I have decided to share it anyway.  :)




     I pre-ordered my first c.d. in January:  Fading West by Switchfoot.  In my usual overly-excited manner, I listened to the three songs that were available, and made myself happy by pushing the "Show Complete Album" button on Itunes.
     I know, it sounds like a sad life.  For some people, it probably would be, but I am not one of those people.  I loved looking at the song list, imagining what the songs would sound like, guessing which ones would be my favorites.
     "'Let It Out' sounds like it has promise," I thought, hearing a melody with those lyrics that sounded more like a Josh Groban line than a Switchfoot chorus.  That was okay.  Part of the excitement was in the not knowing, and I trusted Jon Foreman not to let me down.
     He didn't.  "Let It Out" is one of my favorite songs on the album, and that's saying quite a bit because it's a great album.  "It was love at first sight for me with this song.  Or should that be love before first listen?" I thought the other day.  In case you're wondering why I was thinking this, well, I can't be 100% sure why I think anything. However, in this case, I'm almost certain that I was trying to come up with something, anything, to keep me from breaking out into some embarrassing dance moves to the music only I could hear.
     My motives for thinking aside, I quickly realized that thought wasn't accurate.  In actuality, I loved that song before first time I heard it.  Admittedly, the first love was entirely different from the second, but it was there nonetheless.
     That thought led to another:  "You know," I said to myself, even though I obviously did already know what I was thinking, "That's what I want for my future marriage."  Any two people can create a story where they fall for one another's looks, personality, smile, smarts, smell, or whatever else causes people to fall in love at a certain time.  I want to love before first sight, to say, "I don't know who he is, or what he's like, but I'm so excited about the fact that we're going to be together someday that I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that I can love him in the best way possible when he finally comes along."
     It's a good thing that's the kind of sentiment that is best expressed by actions, because I'm not sure that I have the breath capacity for a run-on sentence of that length.  What are these actions I'm talking about?  Well, one is being pure and guarding my heart, because I don't want there to by anything superficial and jaded about our relationship.  Others would include improving my relationships with my family that I live with now, learning skills that I need in order to be prepared to live away from my parents (read: cooking.), praying for him, and trusting his (and my) Creator not to let us down, because He never has.
     This is where the analogy stretches itself out even further.  It occurred to me that "love before first sight" should really be the story of my entire life.  Because, from an eternal perspective, this is really just another waiting period.
     The purchase of my salvation has already been made; my future has been created by the God I've come to trust while I'm here.  Earthly reality, for me, should be a time of preparation for and anticipation of the time when I will finally see my Savior- an experience that will far surpass anything I'll ever experience in this life.
   

"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known.  But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.  Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure."

~1 John 3:2-3

Music festival

Allison and I had the opportunity to attend a music festival this past weekend.  We had a lot of a wonderful time...

...At the beach...

...  Listening to bands...



The violinists from Reilly, one of the groups I was excited to see.

...  And hanging out with friends...

 

Allison and I even found these flowers while we were walking around the festival grounds: black-eyed susans and yellow snapdragons. 

 

 

Christian(?) Music

"Do you like Justin Beiber?" my niece asked.

     "No."

     "Why?!  He has a song called 'Pray.'"

     I had two options: try to reason with a nine year old who has a crush on a celebrity twice her age, or drop the subject as soon as possible.  Not surprisingly, I chose the latter.

     "Oh, he does?  Good for him."

     That conversation last weekend was followed by the release of Relient K's new album on Tuesday, which caused much discussion about the topic of Christian versus secular music between Allison, Molly, and myself.  (You can read Molly's blog post on the subject here.)

     I don't listen to much music outside of the contemporary Christian genre, based on the fact that I prefer the thoughts it spawns.  I'm aware that it's not a choice most people make, and that's fine.  Still, I have conversations with a lot of people who feel a need to justify their musical taste to me- and it dawned on me after my conversation with Leta the other day that their logic is very similar.

     "They say they're Christians.  I looked it up."

     "It's not bad music.  I mean, they don't swear or anything."

    Those are general statements.  This one is a direct quote when a friend and I were discussing my distaste and his love of Relient K:

     "I like them because they're Christian, but if one of my friends walks up while I'm listening to them, they won't know that it's Christian."

    

     While I don't necessarily think that we have to listen to Christian music all the time, I think a distinction needs to be made.  I am all for listening to music without bad words and supporting fellow Christians, but if the music doesn't cause you to lift your eyes and your mind to Jesus, then it's not Christian.

     So...  Favorite bands, anyone?  Christian or non-Christian?  :)